I'm not going back - Phan
by awesomesockes
Summary: PHAN ONESHOT! Contains: Fluff, illness, hurt/comfort. Dan suffers from LBS (light bladder syndrome). Dan and Phil are at Playlist live and things doesn't go as planed. danisnotonefire, AmazingPhil, Phan


"_Could you maybe do a sort of continuation fic of Dan's light bladder problem, where it's Dan and Phil's first time at Playlist and Dan is worried about needing the bathroom during their meet and greet, Phil comes up with a signal that Dan can use to let Phil know he needs the bathroom so they can go take a break, during the meet up Phil doesn't notice the signal until Dan runs out to the bathroom, he only makes as far as the bathroom and Phil who has run after him comforts him."_

Someone asked for this^^ Of course. Here we go!

**Information: **Dan suffers from LBS (light bladder _syndrome_) and then he is visiting Phil for the first time (2009) he doesn't want him to find out, but ends up having an accident.

READ PART ONE GO TO MY PROFILE! (you don't have to, they are independent of each other, but the prompt is telling what happens next. (Dan and Phil at Playlist live 2012 (first time)))

(Nothing of this has ever happened! (with other words I don't know))

Phan oneshot!

**Contains:** Fluff, illness, hurt/comfort.

**Phan status:** Together

**Words:** 2.562

**POV:** Dan

_**You should have told me **__part 2_

* * *

><p><strong>DAN'S POV!<strong>

"I-I've changed my mind," I determined, sitting back down on the bed.

"We have to go. It's too late to cancel now," Phil responded.

"Too bad, I'm not going." I crossed my arms and moved my gaze to the floor.

"Dan…"

"I'm not going."

"Okay. What's the problem?" Phil sighed softly and sat down next to me.

"I just don't want to…" I kept my gaze focused on the floor. But it was a lie. I wanted to go, really bad, but I was so afraid. It was our first time at Playlist live and all those new people who had all come that long way to meet me and Phil… What if something happened?

"Is it because of your LBS?" Phil asked, like everything was normal. Of course it was normal to him now after all those years of being around me all the time, but it still made me insecure, embarrassed, and extremely anxious when I was around others.

I groaned loudly, pressed my palms against my eyes, and let myself fell back on the bed.

But it was all too frustrating to think about. My eyes watered underneath my hands so I pressed them a little harder against my face. Phil shouldn't see me cry. I wasn't crying out of sadness, but out of pure frustration and embarrassment.

Phil leaned back to lie beside me on the bed.

"You've done this before, Dan. What's bothering you?" Phil stayed calm. He knew exactly how I felt about this.

"W-we don't know how long we have to stay and when we're going to have breaks. And it's so hot, so I have to drink a lot of water and…." I wasn't able to keep the tears beneath my hands anymore, so they ran out of the corner of my eye and into my hair, allowing Phil to notice. "I-I just don't feel like going a-anymore..." I sobbed.

Phil moved to lean on his elbows so he could look at me properly. He gently grabbed a hold on both my wrists and pulled them away, revealing my red, puffy eyes. He took a moment to stare at me. I just tried to avoid eye contact and control my sobs.

"Okay, okay. We aren't going," Phil said and sat up so he could look down at me. He looked slightly disappointed, but mostly caring and concerned. I felt guilty. I was always controlling everything we did because of my problem. Phil gave in if it was something I didn't feel comfortable about. It wasn't fair for him.

"But I want to go! Ugh..." I cried and quickly got out of Phil's grip to stand up. "It's just... what if… and I need the toilet and doesn't make it… and people and fans. And, I'm not going!" I yelled the last words, but I didn't intend to.

"Calm down. We are doing what you want, Dan," Phil said and followed me across the hotel room. This whole thing made me so stressed I didn't knew where to put myself. My breathing turned heavy and I stopped pacing. "We are doing what you want," Phil repeated.

"But I don't know what I want!" I yelled and turned around to face him. I threw both my hands back on my face and started sobbing violently into them.

"Hey. Hey, hey. Deep breaths, it's fine." I slowly shook my head and stepped backwards before Phil grabbed my hands, pulled them down, and stopped me. "Follow me. Calm down," he whispered and started taking deep, long breaths. I did my best to keep up. "Look Dan," he said in a low voice, "I understand why you react like this, okay?" Phil lifted up my chin to look me in the eyes. "But relax. We won't do it if you don't want to." He locked his gaze on me, making sure I understood.

I nodded nervously in response and closed my eyes to relax.

"But I have an idea. If you need the bathroom—just slightly, don't drag it—you tell me and we'll take a break."

"B-but we can't just take breaks, Phil. It's a meet up! Where should we say we were going all the time? And I can't just say, 'Hey Phil. I have to use the bathroom again.' It's embarrassing. People are going to notice and get mad."

"I know how you feel about this, but we are going to tell the security guy at our table what the problem is, okay? And then we make up some kind of signal you can give me if you need to go."

I didn't know if I should agree to this. I didn't want to let anyone down, but the stress and nervousness could make it worse.

"Sit down and think about it for a minute." Phil carefully brushed some tears away from my cheek. I nodded and sniffed a couple of times before I sat back down on the bed.

I leaned against the pillows and slowly began to play with the bottom of my shirt. Phil lazily walked around the room, finding some of our things to pack in a bag. I didn't really pay attention to what he was doing.

"And what would the signal be?" I whispered. My voice was a little hoarse from crying.

"Take my hand and squeeze it quickly, then we'll take a break and I'll follow you out." He smiled at me and placed a hand on my knee.

"Okay," I nodded. "Okay, we can go," I agreed and looked up at Phil. He opened his arms, asking for a hug. I moved around, making it possible to wrap my arms around him.

"I'm proud of you," Phil muttered into my hair. I grinned in response because he shouldn't be, but I didn't want to argue. "Okay, we're going to do it like this. Use the toilet now, before we leave, and then again just before we start the meet up. Nothing will happen."

"Promise?"

"Promise." He smiled. I remember the first time I met Phil. I was terrified and so scared that he might look at me like a child. But he didn't, he didn't even laugh once. And now after three years, this was probably more normal to him than it was to me. He knew how to deal with this. Phil would always be there if something happened, even though it was rare because we took our precautions. But every time we left the house I started panicking inside.

"Ready to go?" Phil asked and picked up the bag from the floor.

"Yes." I took a few deep breaths and gave him a small, nervous smile.

"Come on," Phil nodded in direction of his extended hand, telling me to grab it. I did and we began walking down the hall.

_You can do this Dan. Everything will be fine._

It was always hard meeting fans, both physically and mentally. But they were all so lovely and happy, which took some of my nervousness away.

As time went on the pressure on my bladder slowly became bigger. I knew Phil told me not to wait, but it was hard finding a moment to tell him.

"_Phil..._" I whispered. I wasn't able to take this hand because every 30 seconds some new fans would jump on us.

I tried to make eye contact instead, but of course he didn't notice.

I knew that as soon as I felt I needed the bathroom, I wouldn't be able to hold myself for much longer, but I did my best not to think about it and took some deep breaths.

"Hey!" Phil said happily to another fan. We were so tall compared to everyone else that we had to bend over every time someone needed a hug or a picture, which meant putting more pressure on my bladder. Small waves of need hit me every time.

I stretched my hand towards Phil's, but he took a step forward, getting out of my reach. I needed to go, now.

Phil hugged another fan while I slowly began walking backwards. The girl turned to me, but I was already backed too far away. Phil turned around to see what I was doing. Just like that his face changed from happy to a mix between concerned and sorry as he realised what was going on.

I looked him in the eyes and quickly shook my head before I turned around and began running to the nearest toilet. Luckily, it was in a place where no fans were allowed to be, but I had to slow down half way and press my hands against my crotch. I wouldn't be able to make it.

"Please, please, please," I begged desperately and walked slowly the rest of the way to the bathroom. At least I could see it now.

But I couldn't do it. I stopped completely as I started to leak and soon felt the hot stream cover my inner thighs and down my legs. I pressed my legs hard together, making sure it wouldn't go through the fabric. I couldn't believe this was happening. Phil promised me it wouldn't happen. I turned to face the wall, putting my back to whoever walked past me and just waited for myself to stop. I couldn't do anything else and my pants just became wetter and wetter.

My vision slowly began to blur because of the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"Dan?" I heard Phil ask from a distance. I kept focusing on the wall and crying silently, but it only turned my breaths into gasping hiccups. I guess he spotted me because he ran the last way up to me.

"Dan," he breathed and gently grabbed my shoulder to swing me around. He immediately looked down at me to see what happened, only to see my completely soaked jeans. I wasn't embarrassed in front of Phil anymore; he had seen everything in all kinds of situations.

"I'm so sorry," Phil whispered and threw his arms around me to hold me close. That was the one thing that pushed me over the edge and I started crying properly into Phil's neck. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried! B-but I couldn't do it… You didn't notice! Y-you promised m-me it wouldn't happen," I sobbed.

"I am so sorry, Dan, I know. I'm sorry."

"H-how can 'sorry' help me w-with anything?" I thought about all the people who had seen me run of. What were they thinking? And what should I do now? I couldn't go back like this. I couldn't go anywhere. This was like in my nightmares, being at a public after I have had an accident.

But Phil only sighed in response and held me a bit tighter.

"Come on."

"I'm not going back."

"Of course we're not going back right now." Phil pulled away and took my hand in his, leading me to the nearby toilet that I hadn't managed to reach, and closed the door behind.

"Get changed." Phil smiled and searched through the bag he had packed earlier

"D-did you bring me clothes?" I asked and dried my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Yes of course I did. I wanted to be prepared for everything, in case something happened." He pulled out a towel, some clean jeans, underwear, and socks. Phil was probably the best person in the world; I couldn't believe he had thought about all this. But of course he had, he always thought about everything.

He wet half of the towel in the sink while I stepped out of my ruined jeans.

"Clean yourself with this." He handled me the wet towel. Even though I didn't have anything Phil hadn't seen before, I still turned my back to him and dried of my thighs, crotch, and down my legs. I put on the clean clothes and threw the used in Phil direction. He flipped open a plastic bag to store it in, before he put it back in his bag. This made me smile a little, he certainly had thought about everything.

"Thank you," I mumbled as Phil closed the bag.

"No problem." He looked up at me, giving me a big, caring smile.

"I really mean it." I kept my voice low. "I appreciate everything you do."

"I'll do anything for you." Phil got up, placed his hands on my shoulders and locked his gaze at me. "As I say all the time; this is fine. Calm down." I nodded slowly and sniffed a couple of times. "Take a moment, okay?" Phil softly dragged his fingers through my messy hair, fixing it back the way it was.

I looked at myself in the mirror behind Phil. I looked terrible. My eyes were slightly red and swollen from crying and my cheeks had turned into a kind of pink. I didn't want the fans to notice I had been crying. They would start asking questions and spread rumors. I stepped closer to the sink and splashed some cold water in my face.

"You okay?" Phil asked after a moment of silence while I was trying to calm down.

"I'll be fine," I muttered.

"Ready to go out again or do you want to stay a little longer?" I felt bad for letting people wait, but Phil found it important to do everything at my own pace, even if that meant that we had to let some people down.

"Stay," I sighed.

"Okay." I expected to see Phil disappointed, but he wasn't. He just smiled lovingly to me and sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall. I followed.

"Do you think they'll get mad? The fans?" I asked, resting my head down on Phil shoulder.

"I don't care."

"I care."

"You shouldn't. It's none of their business."

"But it's the fans…" I let out a long breath.

"If they get mad, they're not the right fans, Dan. They don't know why we walked off. You could be seriously ill right now or something."

"Yeah…"

"Just let me know when you're ready and then we'll go back out, okay? Take your time."

I nodded against his shoulder. Phil placed a hand on my thigh and slowly began running his fingers up and down while he hummed an unknown melody.

"What are you doing?" I grinned and lifted my head to look at him.

"Nothing," he smiled without taking his eyes of his hand.

"You are weird," I joked and nudged his shoulder. Phil always knew how to make me happy and feel safe.

"Maybe," he smiled.

We stayed on the floor in silence for a few minutes. Phil kept moving his and up and down my thigh, making me relax.

I took a deep breath before I spoke. "I'm ready."

"Sure?" Phil lifted his hand and stopped his movements.

"Yes, I'm sure," I nodded and started to stand. "Does it look like I've been crying?" I asked.

"No, you're fine." Phil moved his hand to my hair once again, brushing it out of my face. "Perfect." He stepped back to get a better look at me. "Perfect," he repeated and smiled widely.

"I love you so much," I whispered.

"I love you too," he whispered back. He walked back to me before he placed his lips on mine, making my heartbeat raise a bit.

_**Thend**_

**A/N: **This 'chapter' was requested. If you have an idea for a possible 'chapter three' please, please, please let me know and then we see that happens!


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